 xO                                                                 FORE USING IT.  WHILE IT IS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS AND NOT TO BE OFFENSIVE, I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT FROM TIME TO TIME ITEMS APPEAR IN THE BARRY PATCH (They just sudIT IS SUGGESTED THAT ALL EDITORS AND SYSOPS CAREFULLY READ BARRY PATCH MATERIAL BEFORE USING IT.  WHILE IT IS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS AND NOT TO BE OFFENSIVE, I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT FROM TIME TO TIME ITEMS APPEAR IN THE BARRY PATCH (They just suddenly grow thru, poking their way thru the soil of my mind ---or is it soiled mind).  In any case, use and edit as you feel best. 
 
THE BARRY PATCH: 
 
The Barry Patch Advisor. 

A reader writes the following: 
 
My daughter, who takes after me and is of course very beautiful has been dating what I considered to be a very nice boy.  I mean, he was interested in computers and all, very studious. 
 
But I accidentally picked up the phone while they were talking and accidentally listened for almost an hour.  I WAS SHOCKED. 

I heard him tell her that he couldn't wait to show her his hard drive.  (The filthy pervert).  That with his hard drive around she would be amazed at how he could suck up all the bytes on both her floppies and still have room for more.  (I am not sure exactly what this meant but it sure didn't sound good to me).  (I mean sucking & biting, he could hurt her or something).  Then he told her he thought he had enough knowledge to interface his hard drive thru her serial port.  (Does this mean what I think it means, heaven forbid).  Later after I regained consciousness, after fainting, I heard him say : he wanted to squeeze her floppies so that he could boot faster from her floppies.  (The guy sounds like a sadist or something).  He also said something about penetrating her copy protection .  (Is copy or was it coupie a French word for you know what ??).  (I didn't even know she used any protection or even knew about it, I sure didn't tell her; once you give them ideas, they will just go out and experiment). 
 
She said the program (or was it diaphram) she was using had several layers of protection but he (the filthy pig) claimed he had Trojan.com (does that mean what I think it means) on his Ram drive and could switch back and forth (I shudder to think what that means) as fast as greased lightning . 
 
That if she had an expander in her internal slot one, he would just use slot two.  (Now even I know that that is considered a crime against nature or something.  Sickening, just sickening). 
 
There was more but I was too much in a state of shock to be able to recall all of it. 
SIGNED Concerned Parent:
 
Dear Concerned Parent: 
 
The Barry Patch Advisor will be unable to answer your question(s) at this time, as he had to suddenly leave with his secretary for some reason unknown to me, his computer. 

I as a computer see nothing wrong with what you describe but I am always amazed at the antics of you humans and have long ago given up trying to figure you humans out, you just do not compute. 
 
SIGNED: Adam Computer, Serial # 3443SA098JK.
 
 using had several layers of protection but he (the filthy pig) claimed he had Trojan.com (does that mean what I th
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